TORONTO — Game 7 never gets old. Nor does it ever fail to humble even the greatest players to grace the October stage.

Max Scherzer is about to embark on his 11^th winner-take-all game in his storied major league career, and in the moments after his Toronto Blue Jays kept their season alive with a 6-2 victory over the Seattle Mariners in Game 6 of the American League Championship Series, his mental record book was whirring, taking him back to his playoff debut as a 26-year-old all the way through the two World Series championships he’s netted in the past six years.

“God, another one,” says Scherzer, stomping a bit and shaking his head, as is his wont. “I’m just walking around, going through all my Game 7s, my Game 5s, elimination games, last day, all these moments and you remember all of them.

“To get another one? My gosh. These are just so special, so hard to get to, that to get another crack at it – this is what you live for.”

Scherzer kept private what he plans to impart to his mates, but it will be experience borne of seven Division Series Game 5s, one wild card game, an ALCS Game 7 and of course, Game 7 of the 2019 World Series, when Scherzer started the clincher for the Washington Nationals two days after getting scratched from a start due to a debilitating neck malady.

And that’s exactly the sort of sacrifice the Mariners and Blue Jays expect up and down the roster in what should be a titillating evening of baseball at Rogers Centre.

Let’s take a peek inside the latest installment of baseball’s ultimate win-or-go-home drama:

Who’s available? Everybody

In the hours between the Blue Jays’ crushing Game 5 loss to Seattle and their Game 6 revival, closer Jeff Hoffman was chatting with his wife about what might be expected of him the next two nights.

“We were talking about the potential of me throwing multiple innings today, or maybe tomorrow, or maybe both. Who knows what it will call for?” says Hoffman, who in fact threw two near-perfect innings in Game 6, striking out four of the seven batters he faced.

“She asked me, ‘Are you good to do that?’ And it’s like, there’s no choice. You’re good to do it. If that’s what the team needs you to do, you go out and do it and worry about tomorrow the next day.”

With that in mind, both clubs are in decent shape. The Blue Jays did burn Hoffman for two innings and set-up man Louis Varland for four outs, but stayed away from fireballing Seranthony Dominguez, who should be available for an extended stint in Game 7.

The Mariners used top set-up man Matt Brash for an inning and Eduard Bazardo for two. But lefty Gabe Speier got a needed night off and closer Andres Muñoz did not pitch. He will almost certainly be called upon for multiple innings if the Mariners hold a late lead or – egad! – the game goes extra innings.

In short: Relievers are already built to pitch until their arms come off – and both units are in good shape.

All hands on deck

There’s nothing that makes the heart jump in an elimination game than a starter warming up in the bullpen. And both Blue Jays starter Shane Bieber and Mariners counterpart George Kirby will have a troika of veterans behind them.

Bryce Miller, Bryan Woo and Luis Castillo will all be available behind Kirby, who gave up eight runs in his Game 3 start.

As for the Blue Jays, Scherzer, Kevin Gausman and Chris Bassitt are all available to provide length if Bieber hits the wall early. Or, to put out a fire as needed.  

“If you like postseason baseball, this is what it’s all about,” says Gausman. “You might see Max Scherzer in the fifth inning. You might see me later in the game. This is kind of what it is.

“As a player, this is what we want. We’ve all been grinding since Feb. 1^st, even before then, so now we win one game, we’re going to the World Series.”

Managerial mindsets

Game 6 was a balm for Blue Jays manager John Schneider, whose decision to deploy inconsistent lefty Brendon Little in Game 5 blew up and put his club in a win-or-go-home stance.

Now, the mental edge may have shifted, what with the Blue Jays having already stared down their mortality.

Heck, Schneider himself sounds like a dude who just got a stay of execution.

“It’s pretty frickin’ cool that we are where we are. I’m not going to lie,” he said after Game 6. “You got to keep your foot on the gas and get ready for tomorrow.

This is what we sign up for. Whenever you can play for Game 7 to go to the World Series, it sounds kind of cool to say it, you know. But this is why we sacrifice everything. It’s why players sacrifice everything.

“This team, this group of men, are special. You never know where the journey’s going lead. It leads to a Game 7 in the ALCS and that’s frickin’ awesome.

“Again, man, when spring training starts, and you say, hey, you got one game to win to go to the World Series, you take that every single time.”

For the record, that’s two “frickins” and one “cool” and “awesome” apiece.

How about you, Seattle manager Dan Wilson?

“So we’ll make our adjustments offensively tomorrow, and we’ll be ready to go Game 7,” he said after a night the club grounded into double plays in the third, fourth and fifth innings.

“I mean, this is the time to make those adjustments and baseball’s a game of adjustments, and they will be able to do that tomorrow night and ready to go.”

Vibe check? Advantage, Blue Jays.

Heavy history

Both clubs were born in 1977. Yet the Mariners have never played in a Game 7.

Toronto has a more storied history, with consecutive World Series titles in 1992 and ’93. Yet it’s been 40 years since they’ve played a Game 7, when they blew a 3-1 lead to the Kansas City Royals in the 1985 ALCS.

The ALCS has been an unkind hurdle to both clubs the past quarter-century. Toronto lost in six games to Kansas City in 2015 and five games to Cleveland in 2016, while Seattle succumbed to the New York Yankees in 2000 and 2001.

They’d never been one game away from a World Series in their history, until Eugenio Suárez’s grand slam won them Game 5. They’re still waiting, and now must contend with what could be an evenly-matched and excruciating Game 7 for both squads.

Prediction: Blue Jays 6, Mariners 4

• Kalen DeBoer dressed in his black assassin’s hoodie, and Alabama zapped another ranked opponent. This time, Tennessee fell victim.
• If Ty Simpson keeps playing like this, he’ll be a Heisman Trophy finalist.
• Interception swings game to Alabama.

TUSCALOOSA, Ala. – Must be the hoodie.

Couldn’t just be that Kalen DeBoer has become the best big-game coach in the country.

Seriously. Look it up. Peep his record against ranked opponents. It’s mind-bogglingly brilliant.

Couldn’t just be that DeBoer’s got Alabama playing like it intends to spend the first Saturday of December in Atlanta, competing for an SEC championship. And it couldn’t just be that he’s got his quarterback playing like he’ll be in New York City the following week.

Nah, it must be that “black hoodie of death.”

A mere seven weeks ago, Alabama and its coach were the butt of the joke.

Now, he’s Darth DeBoer. His No. 6 Crimson Tide just zapped a fourth straight ranked opponent, felling No. 11 Tennessee 37-20 at Bryant-Denny Stadium.

Alabama fans were ready for a bloodletting after DeBoer’s second season as the GOAT’s heir started with a pathetic performance in a loss at Florida State.

Boosters were grumbling, and the mood was such that one fan played the Powerball with hopes of winning so she could personally cover DeBoer’s buyout that tops $60 million and run him out of town. Seriously.

Better save those shekels. If Alabama keeps this up, this season will include bonuses, not buyouts, for DeBoer.

From Penn State to LSU and lands in between, what opposing fan bases would give for a coach with DeBoer’s 19-3 career record against ranked opponents, or his now 14-2 record in that assassin’s hoodie. All other game-day attire has been retired. DeBoer ought to burn that red polo he wore against Florida State, but he protected the precious hoodie from cigar smoke while players enjoyed a puff, as is tradition after the Third Saturday in October rivalry.

‘I told the guys not to get any ashes on it,’ DeBoer quipped.

Alabama, Ty Simpson continue march toward SEC championship game

Inside the messy SEC, only Texas A&M remains undefeated, but who wants to take on Alabama? It’s toppled Georgia and halted the nation’s longest home winning streak. It regained its honor against Vanderbilt. It survived Missouri. It mauled Tennessee.

Nobody should take wins like these for granted in perilous times like these, inside this unforgiving conference, not when Texas needs overtime to survive Kentucky, and Texas A&M is pushed to the brink by Arkansas and LSU’s losing to Vanderbilt.

These aren’t the 2022 Vols, and their pass defense is especially vulnerable. Quarterback Ty Simpson took full advantage, deftly passing for 253 yards. Tennessee fits into that middle glob of SEC teams that are pretty good, but not great. Alabama’s established itself onto a higher tier.

No, I’m not declaring Alabama “back,” because what does that even mean? Nick Saban’s dynasty is finished. This six-game win streak doesn’t change that. What this does do is establish Alabama as a top playoff contender, maybe even the SEC’s best national championship contender.

Anyway, Alabama’s not winning with the joyless murderball style that became the hallmark of Saban’s peak. This is a quarterback-fueled uprising.

Simpson’s playing as well as any quarterback south of the Mason-Dixon Line, and his wide receivers are some of the finest this side of Columbus, Ohio.

On Alabama’s first drive, Simpson faced peril. Two pass rushers had him pinned in — or so it seemed. He danced in the end zone to buy time, then fired a strike to Josh Cuevas to move the chains on third down. That entire first drive — a 91-yard march — became a master class of quarterbacking by this veteran who sat behind Bryce Young, then Jalen Milroe, and waited his turn to become a star in a transfer age. He went from a preseason question mark to a midseason premier asset.

Tide turns to Alabama on pivotal interception

Good as he was, Simpson’s arm didn’t deliver this victory.

This one swung on a 14-point twist on the final play before halftime. Tennessee’s Joey Aguilar flipped a pass toward the end zone, where Miles Kitselman was running an out route toward the pylon.

If Aguilar’s pass had found its mark, the Vols would have gone to their locker room trailing by just two points, having stolen the momentum. Instead, Alabama cornerback Zabien Brown stole the football.

Aguilar’s pass lacked the required zip, and it sailed to Kitselman’s back shoulder instead of leading him. Brown jumped the route, pried the pigskin from the sky and won a 99-yard footrace to the opposite end zone. A would-be seven points for Tennessee became seven for Alabama.

And the Tide hooped and hollered on their way to the locker room, and their fans pumped their red and white pompoms, and Tennessee was toast.

“Love it,” DeBoer said in his radio interview on his way to the halftime locker room.

Keep beating rivals like this, wearing that black hoodie, and maybe these rabid fans in this football-crazed state will even learn to love him back.

Blake Toppmeyer is the USA TODAY Network’s senior national college football columnist. Email him at BToppmeyer@gannett.com and follow him on X @btoppmeyer.

ATHENS, Ga. – It’s their own dang fault. They’ve set the bar so high, there’s only one way this could unfold. 

With the end of the boogeyman.

Structurally speaking, of course. Because even No. 7 Georgia’s 43-35 thrill-a-minute victory over No. 5 Ole Miss can’t hide the hideous truth. 

‘We weren’t dead,’ said Georgia defensive end Jordan Hall. ‘We just needed one stop.’

Said every Big 12 player and coach, ever. And here’s the crazy part: the architect of some of the greatest defenses of the modern era said it, too.

That was Georgia coach Kirby Smart, whose work as defensive coordinator at Alabama and head coach at Georgia over the past two decades redefined the art of stopping the other guy, standing at the podium in the aftermath of this epic volley of last man with the ball wins, struggling to comprehend and explain it all.

‘I always show confidence in our defense,’ Smart said. ‘Which is hard to do now.’

If you think that’s a shocking statement, consider this: but for Georgia’s typical meltdown last month against nemesis Alabama, the Bulldogs and their ungodly example of defense would be unbeaten.

The defense that gave up five touchdowns on Ole Miss’ first five drives, that didn’t force a punt until the fourth quarter, that last month gave up 41 points in a win over Tennessee, is still in position to play for the SEC championship and potentially earn a top-four seed in the College Football Playoff. 

With a defense that fits perfectly in the old Western Athletic Conference.

‘We just had to keep scoring points,’ said Georgia tight end Lawson Luckie, who caught three touchdown passes. ‘Every series, score points.’

The one saving grace for Georgia was the Ole Miss defense, which still can’t stop any legitimate offense in a big game — especially away from Oxford. So you get what we got on a perfect, sun-splashed day in the deep south. 

Points and touchdowns. All over the joint. 

Georgia’s nine drives: field goal, touchdown, touchdown, field goal, touchdown, touchdown, touchdown, field goal, end of game.

Were it not for Georgia finally figuring it out defensively on the final three drives of the game for Ole Miss — or more to the point, Ole Miss simply missing plays that were there for the taking — the official end of Georgia’s defensive dominance would’ve included a devastating loss. 

This is the same Ole Miss offense that last week struggled to score 24 points on lowly Washington State. Then the Georgia defense stepped on the field, and it may as well have been one of those Mark Richt era Todd Grantham defenses of long ago, helpless to stop anything and anyone.

Ole Miss failed to score on the final drive of the game, a three-and-out (three drives, no scores) of the worst kind. That’s 11 plays for 13 yards, after torching the Georgia defense for whatever it wanted over the first five drives.

As strange as it sounds, the best friend of the Georgia defense was the Georgia offense, which chewed clock with extended drives that kept Ole Miss off the field. Imagine that, the worst possible scenario for Georgia was its defense on the field ― until it mattered most.

‘We just looked at each other and said, we gotta have it,’ said Georgia linebacker CJ Allen. ‘Just needed one stop.’

Somewhere, all over the NFL footprint, the stars of Georgia past just puked.

Nothing about this Georgia defense remotely resembles past iterations under Smart, defenses that controlled the front with four down linemen, played two safeties high and dared you to throw the ball.  

Defenses that set the tone by eliminating the run game, pressuring the quarterback and forcing turnovers. Defenses that made Georgia the boogeyman of college football. 

Now Georgia can’t get to the quarterback, and can’t cover a simple hitch throw. To be fair to the defense, Ole Miss quarterback Trinidad Chambliss was masterful at extending plays and finding open receivers.

But there’s no such thing as extending plays on Jalen Carter and Jordan Davis, or Nolan Smith and Travon Walker, or Nakobe Dean and Quay Walker. And that’s kind of the point.

Those elite defenders Smart had stacked and packed on the roster like game day traffic on State Road 316, aren’t around anymore. Whether it’s recruiting misses, or development or players leaving for the transfer portal, this defense can’t dictate games ― much less control them.

The Bulldogs had eight sacks in six games before Ole Miss rolled into town, which is sort of like saying Lake Burton, the 2,800 acre playpen of the rich and famous (and Nick Saban) 90 minutes north of here, suddenly went dry.

If you think that’s bad, the Dawgs have forced six turnovers in seven games. Six.

The two areas that have defined the Georgia defense — and really, the Georgia program — under Smart are all but obsolete. The Dawgs aren’t getting to the quarterback, and aren’t forcing turnovers.

They’re just holding on for their very lives in big games.

At one point in the post-game news conference, an exasperated Smart was asked why the defense played so much man coverage if there were obvious problems in the secondary.

‘(Chambliss) was 12-for-12 against zone (coverage),’ Smart said. ‘I’d rather play man, and hope we can get to 2nd-and-10.’

That’s about as damning a statement as Smart could make. The Dawgs simply don’t have game-changing players on defense, which forces the offense — saved Saturday by tough, overachieving quarterback Gunner Stockton — to be nearly perfect. Or play a defense worse than their defense (see: Ole Miss). 

When Georgia isn’t perfect offensively, Tennessee blows a chance to beat the Dawgs for the first time since 2016. Alabama stops a bleed-out by beating Georgia (again), and Georgia needs some funky officiating to beat an Auburn team with a truly pitiful offense. 

It’s no secret how it got to this point, how the anchor of all things big, bad Georgia can’t find its footing. How the offense, with Gunner Stockton gutting it out despite an oblique injury and playing the best game of his brief career, now has to save the team in the fourth quarter.

There was a time when the Georgia defense salted away games long before that. When its very presence on the field intimidated everything and everyone.

The next thing you know, a quarterback (Chambliss) who was playing at Division II Ferris State last season, is running around and making plays ― and making the once feared Georgia defense look mighty average.

‘Our margins are small and tight,’ Smart said. ‘If we can run the ball and stop the run, we can win the game. It will just be holy hell to win it.’

Either way, the boogeyman is dead. Long live, the Georgia offense. 

Matt Hayes is the senior national college football writer for USA TODAY Sports Network. Follow him on X at @MattHayesCFB.

Those College Football Playoff hopes for Notre Dame? 

They’re doing just fine.

The 15th-ranked Fighting Irish ensured their bid to get back to the national championship title game is far from over with their running game leading a 34-24 defeat of No. 21 Southern California in the 96th Battle of the Jeweled Shillelagh.

It was only the seventh game of the season for Notre Dame, but it was the one that would decide the fate of the rest of the campaign. It couldn’t afford another loss after opening with close defeats to Miami and Texas A&M.

The Fighting Irish played with the necessary urgency, running for 306 yards, led by a career day by Jeremiyah Love. The junior running back piled up a career-high 228 yards and one touchdown on the ground on just 24 carries for an average 9.5 yards per carry. It was the most rushing yards for a Notre Dame player in Notre Dame Stadium history.

‘We just played our butts off, and when the opportunity presented itself, we executed,’ Love said.

Love was complimented by 87 rushing yards from fellow back Jadarian Price, but his impact went beyond the running game. 

After USC rallied in the second half to take a 24-21 lead in the third quarter, Price took the ensuing kickoff 100-yards to the house and sent the Notre Dame faithful into a frenzy. Between Love and Price, the dynamic duo combined for 436 total yards.

‘It’s not very common in life to see two guys that are so talented that deserve the ball in their hand every snap, but choose to put the team in front of themselves and then make the most of their opportunities,’ Freeman said.

The strong performance from the running backs delivered what Freeman wanted in the rivalry matchup: a physical, ‘bloody’ performance. He believed which ever team proved its toughness at the line of scrimmage would emerge on top, and the steady rain in South Bend forced both teams to focus on the ground game.

On both sides, it all pointed to a Fighting Irish win. Not only did Notre Dame dominate on the ground, but it limited the Trojan rushing attack to 68 yards.

‘It was going to be one in the trenches,’ Freeman said. ‘We weren’t going to be able to throw up the ball a lot in the second half because of the moisture and the weather. That’s what we want.

‘That’s our edge. We got to be we got to play the game in a physical matter,’ he added.

Notre Dame has now won five consecutive games, but most importantly got its first ranked win of the season. Even if the Trojans fall out of the US LBM coaches poll, it’s a big resume booster that the Fighting Irish need to secure a spot in the playoff if they can win the rest of the games.

Costly mistakes dooms USC

The Trojans had a chance to reclaim the lead several times in the second half but were undone by too many mistakes. Quarterback Jayden Maiava threw an interception, but it was a failed trick play in the fourth quarter that really killed any momentum the Trojans had.

They attempted a reverse-pass play with receiver Makai Lemon, but he fumbled while looking to throw the ball. Notre Dame recovered for a key turning point in the game. It was one of three turnovers committed by USC. Notre Dame had just one.

It’s the failed trick play that was haunting Riley after the loss.

‘Stupid call, stupid call,’ he said.

Notre Dame was able to add another touchdown to make it a 10-point game and USC couldn’t cut the deficit, shut out in the final frame.

It’s a difficult loss for USC and Riley after showing signs of life in a win over Michigan last week. Although it wasn’t a conference win, the Trojans are 5-2 and the path to its first playoff appearance gets more difficult, especially with a road trip to Oregon later in the season.  

University of Tennessee coach Tony Vitello has emerged as a frontrunner for the San Francisco Giants’ managerial opening, yet his hiring is not certain, according to a person familiar with the Giants’ managerial negotiations.

The person spoke to USA TODAY Sports on condition of anonymity due to the sensitive nature of negotiations.

Vitello is the highest-paid coach in collegiate baseball, at more than $3 million a season, and it’s believed he’d have to take a pay cut to manage in the major leagues, where first-time managers earn significantly less.

Posey has interviewed multiple candidates, including Nick Hundley, his former backup catcher with the Giants. They’ve reportedly interviewed former Baltimore Orioles manager Brandon Hyde and Kansas City Royals bench coach Vance Wilson.

While many managers still struggle to make $1 million a season at the entry level, the top end of the market has gone up in recent years with Craig Counsell’s five-year, $40 million contract to shift from the Milwaukee Brewers dugout to the Chicago Cubs, and Dave Roberts’ $8.1 million annual salary with the Los Angeles Dodgers.

In the past five years, the pay scales have made a move from the pro ranks to the colleges more likely, with coaches such as former Minnesota Twins pitching coach Wes Johnson moving on to the same job at LSU before taking the head position at Georgia.

Posey meeting Vitello’s market would pose some risk for the second-year baseball chief, with the fiery Volunteers coach having to adjust to both the pro game and professional personalities. Posey made significant changes to the Giants roster this past winter, yet the club finished 81-81, the fourth consecutive season the club finished between 79 and 81 wins.

The Athletic first reported that Vitello and the Giants were in advanced discussions about the managerial opening.

MLS players gathered around each other, watching iPhones and stadium scoreboards, waiting for final whistles to blow on Decision Day, Oct. 18.

Some were celebrating with pride. Others left the pitch disappointed as their seasons came to an end.

The Philadelphia Union won the 2025 Supporters’ Shield. They’ve clinched home-pitch advantage in the 2025 MLS Cup playoffs.

FC Cincinnati and Inter Miami each finished one point behind them in the standings. All three clubs finished with higher point totals than any of their counterparts in the West.

The East well could host the West in the MLS Cup final on Dec. 6.

Expansion side San Diego FC won the Western Conference ahead of Vancouver. They’ve secured the most points by any expansion club in MLS history.

Messi wins MLS Golden Boot, could win MVP

• Lionel Messi scored a hat trick with an assist to help Inter Miami beat Nashville SC 5-2. He finishes with 29 goals and 19 assists to finish with 48 goal contributions in 2025.
• Anders Dreyer had two goals and an assist in a 3-0 win at Portland, finishing with 19 goals and 19 assists.
• Denis Bouanga was held scoreless, finishing the season with 24 goals and nine assists.
• Nashville’s Sam Surridge scored against Inter Miami, finishing with 24 goals and five assists.
• Cincinnati’s Evander had a goal and assist against Montreal, finishing with 18 goals and 15 assists.

Final Eastern Conference standings

1. Philadelphia Union (66 points)
2. FC Cincinnati (65)
3. Inter Miami CF (65)
4. Charlotte FC (59)
5. New York City FC (56)
6. Nashville SC (54)
7. Columbus Crew (54)
8. Chicago Fire (53)
9. Orlando City SC (53)

Eastern Conference playoff matchups

Wild-card matchup:

• Chicago Fire (No. 8) vs. Orlando City (9)

Round 1 (best-of-three series):

• Philadelphia Union (1) vs. Chicago Fire-Orlando City (8/9 winner)
• FC Cincinnati (2) vs. Columbus Crew (7)
• Inter Miami CF (3) vs. Nashville SC (6)
• Charlotte FC (4) vs. New York City FC (5)

Final Western Conference standings

1. San Diego FC (63 points)
2. Vancouver Whitecaps (63)
3. Los Angeles FC (60)
4. Minnesota United (58)
5. Seattle Sounders (55)
6. Austin FC (47)
7. FC Dallas (44)
8. Portland Timbers (44)
9. Real Salt Lake (41)

Western Conference playoff matchups

Wild-card matchup:

• Portland Timbers (No. 8) vs. Real Salt Lake (No. 9)

Round 1 (best-of-three series):

• San Diego FC (1) vs. Portland Timbers/Real Salt Lake (8/9 winner)
• Vancouver Whitecaps (2) vs. FC Dallas (7)
• LAFC (3) vs. Austin FC (6)
• Minnesota United (4) vs. Seattle Sounders (5)

When do the MLS playoffs start?

Here is the playoff schedule:

• Oct. 22: Wild-card matches (single-elimination matches)
  • Chicago Fire vs. Orlando City (8:30 p.m. ET, MLS Season Pass)
  • Portland Timbers vs. Real Salt Lake (10:30 p.m. ET, MLS Season Pass)
• Oct. 24-Nov. 9: Round 1 (best-of-three series)
• Nov. 22-23: Conference semifinals (single-elimination matches)
• Nov. 29-30: Conference finals (single-elimination matches)
• Dec. 6: MLS Cup (single winner-take-all match)

Parent the child you have, not the one you wish you had.

Kirsten Jones thinks the line is so important, she repeats it within the text of her book.

“Just because she doesn’t have the same passion for the game that you or her siblings might have doesn’t make her ‘damaged goods,” Jones writes in “Raising Empowered Athletes.” “It simply makes her like all the rest of us: struggling to find our places in the world.”

Jones is a former elite Division I athlete. She has been a coach of kids, and she’s a mother of three. 

“I feel like I learned all the chapters in the book,” Jones, now a motivational speaker and performance coach, tells USA TODAY Sports. “I’ve had the kid who was the star, I’ve had the kid who didn’t play. I’ve flown to tournaments where I sat on the sidelines for five days and she didn’t even touch the floor. And it sucks. And the tears in the car ride home for both of you are hard.”

Her book is not so much a guide, but a pep talk. Parenting, as we discover, is an evolution. It involves patience, compromise and the right amount of levity and humor. We don’t start off knowing everything, and we never reach perfection.

 But we get better at it if we’re willing to learn along the way.

“The joke is when you get pregnant, everyone hands you What to Expect When You’re Expecting, and you think, ‘Yes! I have all the answers and this is going to be so easy,’” she says. “And then you get to kick and chase and there’s some yahoos standing next to you on the sidelines going, ‘Well, they’re four. You’re not going to do this rec thing, are you?’”

Jones has raised three athletes (25, 22 and 19) with her husband, Evan. Here are 10 tips she has learned about how we can raise empowered ones, whether they choose to keep playing or not:

1. We start off with a dream; you never know where it might take you

Jones grew up in the 1970s in Missoula, Montana, where she rode horses, skied and played basketball before she discovered her passion.

“I didn’t actually find volleyball until high school because it became a sanctioned sport my freshman year in 1984,” she says.

Her persistence got her to two Division I college programs, but her story is more about the pursuit of a dream that didn’t quite get fulfilled.

“I think we should all have aspirations and just because you don’t play for Duke or Real Madrid or wherever, I believe these are all things that you’re going to take whatever you learn and that you’re going to use it for whatever’s next,” she says. “I saw a mom post the other day about, ‘My 16-year-old just quit. All that money wasted.’ 

“You’re missing the point. Really? Did you ever sign a contract when she was five, that she was going to have to go the whole way or you weren’t gonna invest in it?”

When we dream, we find out if we’re intrinsically motivated to pursue. Kirsten signed herself up for a volleyball camp at UC San Diego, and flew there from Missoula herself.

Two years later, she tried out for the junior national team in Colorado Springs (“with my barely matching knee pads.”) Although she didn’t make the team, she chased down Sue Snyder, then an assistant coach at San Diego State, at the Denver airport.

“Can I come to San Diego State?” she asked.

2. Make sure it’s your kids’ dream, and not yours

Jones’ father, a pulmonologist, was all about education, but also learning and growing at whatever you did.

There were no expectations for activities Kirsten and her siblings tried. They just needed to be all in on whatever they did.

“My parents were actually more piano and ballet, which was for me, like nails on a chalkboard,” she says. “(But) we finish what we start. So if you signed up for karate and you don’t like it a month in, OK, great, well, let’s just finish the season and then we can pick something else.

“My dad always said, ‘If you’re playing for me, you should stop.’”

Parenting, Golden State Warriors coach Steve Kerr told Jones and co-host Susie Walton on their “Raising Athletes” podcast, is a lot like coaching.

“You’re not doing things for your kids,” Kerr said. “You’re trying to give them perspective and then become the best versions of themselves so that they’re making their own decisions and they’re doing the things that can help them be successful. But they’re the ones who are actually doing it.”

Jones says we’re like the guardrails.

3. As parents, we always have to be prepared to pivot

Kerr was the kid who threw his glove and cried when things didn’t go well.

“I had the worst tantrums during sports,” he told Jones and Walton. “I was so competitive that I would literally lose my mind.”

He says his parents never said anything about it until they got home. When a few hours passed, and he would calm down, they might ask: “What are you thinking about when you’re crying?”

“They were very thoughtful about it,” Kerr said. “Sit and observe, support but you don’t have to constantly be telling them what to do and then you help them find their own way.”

Two of Kerr’s kids, Nick and Madeline, played Division I athletics, and Nick went on to coach in the NBA G League. But his youngest child, Matthew, wanted to play soccer to get a uniform like the one he saw his sister had.

When Matthew was about 5, Steve and his wife, Margot, put him in his first game, and watched their son lie down and start picking daisies.

“You’re not really into this, are you?’ Kerr said to him.

“No.”

It was the last sport he ever played.

“I was fine with that,” his dad said. “He’s a writer now. He was writing stories from an early age and making movies on his home video camera and that’s what he loves and so we encouraged him to do that.”

4. Check yourself before you check on them

Jones’ two sons, Caelan and Parker, have played Division 1 basketball. Her daughter, Kylie, had an experience like a lot of our kids: She was on a highly competitive travel team but didn’t get into games as much as many of the other kids.

“We didn’t even try volleyball until she was 12,” Jones says. “And that was a problem because everybody else had started at seven. And so she was behind. But I figured, I didn’t start until I was 14 and it worked out for me. Was she the best athlete? No. Did she pick it up right away and it all fell into place? Not really. And then COVID hit, and it was rough.”

But the pandemic provided one respite: No parents were allowed in the gym. We don’t think our kids can hear us, Jones says, especially if we’re not the loudmouth who’s constantly yelling.

“That’s the only voice they hear,” she says. “And their head’s on a swivel. She was rolling her eyes. I think even having me in the gym was stressful to her because what if I’m not living up? They don’t need the pressure.

Instead, when practice is over, ask your kid for permission before you offer advice.

If they say no? “Then you zip it and call a friend, talk to your spouse, go for a walk. Allow it to be their journey.”

5. Be a friend as well as a parent

“The dad and me says, ‘You should have done X, Y and Z,’” Jones’ husband, Evan, might ask their kids.

“The friend in me says, ‘Wow, that was probably a really hard situation.’”

Evan had played basketball professionally in Europe, where he met Kirsten. He played guitar on the side. Sports, like his music, was intended to be an activity to relieve stress, not provide it.

As Caelan’s sixth grade assistant coach, he noticed the complex offense and defensive schemes the head coach devised. He politely asked him for a minute before a game.

“Three things,” Evan told the team. “Talk to each other, space out and be aggressive. Any questions?”

“That’s all?” asked one kid.

“That’s all.”

6. Have a growth mindset: Sports is resilience training for life

Kirsten started her career working for Nike, where she loved to help professionals push through obstacles in their life.

In her book, she writes that a growth mindset is an athlete’s willingness — and ability — to be curious about learning new skills.

“I never made the national team, but look where I landed,” says Jones, who wound up playing volleyball at San Diego State and William & Mary. “It got me to Nike. It got me into two very good schools and a great education.”

And it got her daughter home.

7. We can be the sounding board while allowing our kids to be the fixers

By the time Kylie was a senior in high school, she had made the top club volleyball team, but she was toward the back of the roster. Despite the team flying all over from their Southern California base, including to Hawaii, she was shagging balls for other players at 5:30 a.m. practice.

“I said, ‘Kylie, I’d much rather you use your time for something you’re interested in where you can start to build the muscle that will help you figure out what you want,’” Jones said. “Unless you really just want to be on the roster.”

“I don’t want to do this,” her daughter said.

Here came the pivot, to film school at Loyola Marymount University, where she is now studying.

Remember Steve Kerr’s son who picked daisies on the soccer field? He went to USC film school and worked in the writers’ room for Ted Lasso.

8. Find things to do independently from watching your kids play sports

Kirsten Jones says her mom and dad barely attended her games, not because they didn’t care, but because there were other things going on in their lives.

U.S. Soccer icon Abby Wambach recently said in her podcast that, as parents, we should never even go to practice. We want our kids’ motivation to come from within, she says, not from us.

“If you haven’t been at practice,” Wambach said, “then you don’t know what the coaches are saying. You don’t know what they’ve been working on, which is good because it’s your child’s life and their experience.”

Our children have a right to play without us shouting over the coach.  It’s also healthy for us to have something we love to do that happily prevents us from being there all the time.

“When do you work out?” Jones asked a woman in Colorado who called her to ask if it’s OK if she didn’t stay and watch practice.

“I don’t, because I just go to different practices,” was the reply.

“Go run,” Jones said. “Show your daughter that you’re important too.”

9. Find things you can do toegher that aren’t sports

Maybe you’re a coach and have to be there all the time. Or you’re like the parent, a former collegiate athlete, who told Jones: ‘I am embarrassed to admit the number of hours I’ve lost sleep over what team my nine-year-old has got to make.”

Her advice? Go on a camping trip. “You will spend time alone and be where he is.”

We all have to be prepared, when we’re camping or otherwise, for them to say: “Well, Dad, I don’t really like soccer, but I know it makes you happy. So I’ll play soccer.”

You can say, “You don’t have to do that.”

10. It’s never too late to change – or adjust – how to be sports parents

When Jones was pitching her book idea, some suggested it should be called, “How to raise a pro athlete.” Her intention was the opposite.

The book is about how we can survive, and thrive, when our careers end.

We want our kids to have hurdles, but sometimes we need to just lower the bar. Perfectionist parenting, she says, is too hard.

Susie Walton, the late Basketball Hall of Famer’s ex-wife who has hosted podcasts with Jones, likes to say: “If you’re perfect, get off at the wrong exit every once in a while and say out loud, ‘Oops, I made a mistake.’”

Jones says one dad who has played in the NFL told her he was embarrassed because he yells at his young athletes on the car ride home.

“If you fix that now, they won’t even remember,” she says. “But we’re in the moment with our kid, and well, this is it. No. It’s a moment. It’s not the moment.”

Like with the equestrian athletes Jones sees, it’s not often about how high the fences are. Our kids just want to jump high enough.

Steve Borelli, aka Coach Steve, has been an editor and writer with USA TODAY since 1999. He spent 10 years coaching his two sons’ baseball and basketball teams. He and his wife, Colleen, are now sports parents for two high schoolers. His column is posted weekly. For his past columns, click here.